Calendar Boys

If you’re looking for the perfect stocking stuffer, look no further: The 2016 Boys of Hampden wall calendars—a kooky collab between Hampden business-owners and photographer Justin Tsucalas—have arrived! We love the project so much—proceeds from both versions of the calendar (regular and “Boys Gone Wild” edition) will go to the Hampden Family Center—we decided to have some fun of our own, imagining the (fake) answers these proprietors’ pinup alter egos would give to a Tiger Beat-style survey.

Mr. December (“Boys Gone Wild” edition)

Personality Type: The Leader
Likes: lawn chairs, socks with sandals, vinyl LPs
Dislikes: mornings, federal income tax, non-polarized sunglasses
Favorite Film: Kill Bill: Vol. 2
Style Icon: The Dude
Ideal Date: sake-tasting in Tokyo

Cover Model (“Boys Gone Wild” edition)

Personality Type: The Funny One
Likes: cats, snakeskin cowboy boots, afternoon cartoons
Dislikes: long lines, last call, safety goggles
Favorite Film: Smokey and the Bandit
Style Icon: 1970s Elton John
Ideal Date: Keno and Heineken

Mr. August (“Boys Gone Wild” edition)

Personality Type: The Sensitive One
Likes: his pet cockapoo, Daisy; pink Starbursts; you, girl
Dislikes: movies in which dogs die, insincerity, rudeness
Favorite Book: The Fault in Our Stars
Hobbies: Pinterest, decoupage, reading
Ideal Date: ice cream and a stroll to the dog park

Mr. September (regular edition)

Personality Type: The Bad Boy
Favorite Song: Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher”
Style Icon: Kenny Powers from Eastbound & Down
Hobbies: mixed martial arts (spectator), dirt biking, Rock Band (expert)
Dream Girl: Baywatch-era Pamela Anderson
Ideal Date: fixing carburetors in the alley