Hey, Gawker, who you calling ugly?
This afternoon, Gawker.com launched a Sweet Sixteen bracket-style tournament to determine which U.S. regional accent is the ugliest. Among the contenders are expected candidates such as New York (“Lawng Island”), LA ( “Like, fer suuuure.”), Boston (“Pahk the cah in Havahd Yahd”), and Minneapolis (“Oh, sher, doncha know?”). But also included, as a number 16 seed, is good ol’ Bawlmer.
Ferst, whut’re dey talkin’ ’bout? Dare ain’t noh Balwmer accent! Dis just how we talk, hon!
But fine, if they insist on looking at us from an outsider’s perspective, then we will defend our local speech to the death, as it is a regional treasure, like a linguistic unicorn, something majestic and special in an increasingly bland, homogenized world.
We will especially defend it’s merits in comparison to the Boston accent, against which Bawlmerese is pitted in the first round. Just as in baseball, we will not be defeated by a bunch of non-rhotic New Englanders. We may favor our “O’s” (both linguistically and on the baseball diamond) but at least we can pronounce the letter “R”.
So please, go vote for Boston as the uglier accent. It is your civic duty.
