Brush Up on These Modern Dating Rules Before Putting Yourself Out There

So you’re looking to dip your toe into the dating pool. But how to set yourself up for success and abide by all the new dating rules—where love bombing, gaslighting, and ghosting are all verboten (once you figure out what they mean) and communication, “love languages,” and establishing boundaries are key? We asked Nazie Spurrier, owner of B’More Wellness Studio and a licensed psychotherapist, to brief us on Modern Dating 101.

What advice can you give those putting themselves out there for the first time in a while?
Mindset is everything. Many of us will decide how things will go before we even give it a chance. Be open to the possibility that anything can happen. Be honest about any limiting beliefs about dating or relationships you might have and reframe them. Our thoughts directly impact our energy and what we attract…There are more than seven billion people in this world. You will find the right partners as long as you keep an open mind, show up authentically, and clean up any negative beliefs you may have about yourself, dating, and relationships.

What are some common challenges you see people come across in new relationships?
The most common issue in any relationship, old or new, is communication. Learning your own love language and your partner’s can help you to recognize what they need from you and what you need from them. When these things are out in the open, it becomes easier to deal with conflict or with issues that may come up in the relationship.

Do you have suggestions on how to prevent and/or cope with being “ghosted”?
One of the best ways to prevent ghosting is to meet up with the person you are connecting with in real life as soon as you feel comfortable. It’s easy to ignore or ghost someone when it doesn’t feel like there’s a real-life human being attached. But there are other times when ghosting can’t be prevented, and you have to understand that it’s not you, it’s them. Ghosting someone is disrespectful and inconsiderate; it shows that the ghoster is clearly not ready for a healthy intimate relationship.

From love bombing to gaslighting, how do we set boundaries while dating?
Healthy boundaries are one of the most important aspects of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. It’s important to set boundaries as early as possible in the dating relationship, even during the initial conversations. But also know that it’s never too late to start. Be clear about your expectations for the date or relationship. Don’t let things slide: If something bothers you, speak up. And be consistent about it. If you have an expectation, follow through on that every time.

WHAT YOU NEED

MINDSET: Our thoughts create our reality, so keep an open and optimistic mindset.

ASK QUESTIONS: Make it a point to understand how your future partner communicates and how they express their needs.

HONESTY: Acknowledge and release any negatively patterned thinking around dating that you might have and always show up as your full, authentic self.