All of Your Burning Questions About Sex Therapy, Answered

All relationships have their ups and downs—and that includes in the bedroom. Whether it’s a result of being too busy, too distracted, or upset about something outside the bedroom, it’s common for things to get in the way of prioritizing intimacy in our lives. Enter sex therapy. We talked with sex and relationship therapist Susan Stork, owner and founder of Space Between Counseling Services in Mt. Vernon, about the many benefits of her practice.

What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy aimed at addressing sexual difficulties and enhancing sexual health and wellbeing. It’s important because first and foremost we are sexual beings. I do believe that people tend to get hyper focused on the mechanics of sex, when a lot of times our sexual desire is impacted by our mental health.

Sex therapy shines a light in spaces we sometimes don’t want to look at because it’s uncomfortable, but there are so many sexual health challenges that would no longer be challenges if people talked about sex and their experiences more.

Who can benefit the most from sex therapy?
It can be very beneficial for anyone, no matter age, gender, or sexual orientation. The big thing is providing a safe and confidential space to explore and resolve issues that are holding you back from enjoying a healthy sex life. You can choose whether to attend therapy by yourself or as a couple with your partner. We tend to see issues pertaining to mismatched libidos, anxiety, performance issues, aging, and intimacy problems. We also work with a lot of premarital couples, which is great to see. Starting a marriage off with open communication about sexual desire and boundaries is very promising.

What can you expect when trying sex therapy?
Typically, we start with a screener phone call. Then, the first appointment can be anywhere from one to three hours long depending on the needs of the patient or patients. We also tell people to clear their schedule for that day, and to bring in a list of any medications they are on. You’ll usually leave with some type of “homework” for the next session, like communication exercises, mindfulness techniques, reading articles, and watching educational videos that pertain to sexual health.

What is the stigma around sex therapy?
I definitely think that we’re in a cultural shift right now; we are moving toward more affirming [sex positivity]. But I’m sure some people still immediately think it’s just focused on how to have sex and that’s not necessarily true. I think what people don’t realize is that if you are talking about mental health, you are talking about sexual health. There is not one without the other.

WHAT YOU NEED:

A BRAVE FACE: While some of these topics may seem hard or intimidating to discuss, your therapist is trained to make sure you feel comfortable and supported.

A LIST: It’s best to prepare a list of questions before your appointment so that you don’t forget to ask anything in your session.

FOLLOW THROUGH: Approach therapy with an open mind and practice the at-home techniques that your therapist gives you.